Friendship and Loss

My thoughts on a friendship that no longer exists. Kinda sad when you think about it.

Friendship can be a funny thing sometimes. You think you know someone and all of the sudden it changes right before your eyes.

I have this friend I’ve known since I was 14 (over 30 years now). She was the new girl in school, just moved to our district, and walked into my 9th grade Algebra class looking lonely and scared. The teacher had her sit by me and after class I walked down the hall with her to find out more. We instantly hit it off and became the best of friends. We ate lunch together, we were in Pep Club together, went to the dances with our other friends – we were inseparable. I thought it would be like this for life.

As we moved onto High School, we had more classes together, but of course as we got older things changed. We had jobs, boyfriends, breakups, parent problems, and other curves life threw at us. But we were always there for each other, and made a promise we always would be.

As graduation got closer, our plans for after school were much different. She was working and seriously dating someone. I was going to college and not seeing anyone at the time. We promised to stay close after school, and did for the most part. But all of those “best laid plans” changed completely. I met someone where I was working for the summer and when fall came, I “chucked” my college plans and stayed close to home instead for school. A year later I was married and the following July, my first of two kids was born. She too got married and her son was born the year after mine. We both had another one, and we both had problems with our marriages.

Our families didn’t have a lot in common, so we didn’t see each other as much as we thought we would. I would see her at work, but not much more than that. During one of the separations I had from my husband, she was single again and we started hanging out. We spent the weekends at the bar and we’d talk on the phone almost every night. It was like old days all over again. When my husband and I reconciled, then it was back to where it was before, and I wasn’t allowed to go out with her like I had.

Over the years, we’ve each had a couple of divorces and been remarried, and just a few years ago, we became “family” when she married my husband’s cousin. I was thrilled – I would finally have her back in my life again and my best friend would be close. But that’s not how it went.

Now they are no longer together and we recently lost him to a horrible disease. She was diagnosed during their short marriage with MS and she has become bitter and hateful. She blames all of her issues on him, and even in death, she feels she is entitled to things that he didn’t have.

I have come to a “crossroads” and don’t know what to do. I have a long letter ready to send, but it breaks my heart to do so. I feel there are things in it she needs to know, but as the words to the follow song by Vince Gill, Change of Heart, say, “And if I follow my heart, will we still be friends if we break apart?”

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Change of Heart Vince Gill

I feel that I’m at a crossroads I don’t know which way to go You say that I am changing Into someone that you don’t know Who I am, and who I’ll be is locked inside, inside of me

And if I follow my heart, Will you still be my friend if we break apart? How do I make, how will you take my change of heart?

For years you have been my best friend, I thought that you would always be You know that I just can’t pretend It’s written all over me ‘Cause where I’ll go and what I’ll do I just can’t see my life without you  

If I follow my heart, Will you still be my friend if we break apart? How do I make, how will you take my change of heart?

Moving on, it’s gonna take some time When I’m gone you might have a change of mind Gotta take the chance No matter what I find

No matter how far I travel I’ll think of you as home It’s not about finding someone else It’s all about being alone

‘Cause who I am, and who I’ll be Is locked inside, inside of me  

‘Cause if I follow my heart, Will you still be my friend if we break apart? How will I make, how will you take my change of heart? How will you take my change of heart?